well, they will be anyhow. until BMK slips up and stops talking in a country accent on the day we do our bet...

explanation???

the bet:
bianca: has to talk in a country accent all day. she has no country accent, so this should be funny as hell. it's hilarious when she tries to copy my accent for just a couple of seconds. but all day? this will be ROFLMAO funny!!!

katelyn: while bianca is enjoying her freedom of speech ((even if it is in a fake ass country accent)), i have to be quiet... ALL DAY... i can't say a word. all i can do is laugh... and choke on my drink... and cough occasionally... i can't even say "mhmm"...

talk about torture on my part. im gonna freakin explode!

and if we fail:
bianca: has to dress down. meaning that, for a full day, all she can wear is a bathrobe and slippers. she has to roll out of bed, and all she can do is brush her teeth. thats it. she cant do makeup or hair. she can keep her bra and panties on, but that's it. all that will cover her is a bathrobe.

katelyn: has to dress up. they'll dress me like a hooker basically. my hair will be done, and my makeup. nuff said...

So... whoever slips up first loses. i plan on not talking. i can laugh all i want to. but i cant talk... i can handle this. they think i cant... but i can. all it takes is my ritalin, some duct tape, and a piece of gum. i give bianca 2 hours tops before she slips. but right now, i'm going on an hour straight of silence. so, this isnt really difficult at all. i'll just start thinking about something and focus my attention there, chew my gum, and cover my mouth with duct tape. the ritalin will keep me concentrating on what i gotta do.

this just kinda brings me to wonder what bianca is planning to do....

life. what can i say? it's definitely had its toll on me this past week. i made a mistake. i paid for the mistake. i've had a couple of realizations...

the mistake:
well... im not writing about it here... important people know what happened.

payment:
i had to break up with josh over it. i know, you're probably thinking "wasnt she going to break up with him anyway?" well... yes and no... i mean... just cause he bugged me a lot didnt mean i wanted us to be over. i mean, i still care for him, even now... but... after the mistake i made, i HAD to break up with him. my conscience wouldn't let me live with it... so, i had to leave him all broken-hearted and angry yesterday. it bummed me out a lot...

((oh and i just had to add this in. some guys are inconsiderate jerks... 3 hours after i break up with josh, this guy, john, who i had really been avoiding for a while, finds out that i broke up with josh and he asked me out. i was like "um i just broke up with my boyfriend for one. and also, just because you like me doesnt mean im gonna feel the same way about you. so take my feelings into consideration now because it was a pretty bad breakup"... ugh... guys))

realization #1:
some guys are way more amazing then i deserve for them to be. after i made this mistake, i got kinda bummed about it after i actually realized it all. and about the time that it was really hitting me... i was IMing my ex fiance, Michael. and he noticed right away that something was up because i wasnt talking much. so he asked if i wanted to talk about it and i said yes and no. and he said if i wanted to talk, then he was there for me... well anyway, i ended up spilling it all to him. i told him everything. and like i expected, yeah he was pissed. and yeah he was disappointed and felt pretty bad given the situation and how i handled it. but, he never once raised his voice at me. he never said anything that would make me feel worse about myself than what i did. and he was there for me. the whole time. he has been there and talked to me about everything since it all happened. he's been the one that has been here for me to lean on when i need him. he truly is an amazing guy. more amazing than i deserve for him to be.

realization #2:
im pretty sure i found the guy i want to spend the rest of my life with. i've known Trey for about a year now. and we dated over the summer last summer. broke up twice. but, i was the first girl he ever fell for, and he dated two other girls for over a year each before me. and we only dated for a month and a half before he said it. and yeah, i knew i loved him... but, i didnt think it was as much as it is. actually, i didnt realize how much i loved him til recently. there was a period of maybe 3 months that we didnt talk. it was after our last breakup. and i thought he hated me and was ignoring me. he didnt, and he wasnt. he was in jail for something... (i know that doesnt sound great...) anyway, he texted me after about 3 months, and said he still loved me, and more than he did before. i know i had missed him like crazy. ever since then, we dont go too long without talking. and, even after a year, every time he sends me a text or calls me, i still get chills and butterflies and i still get breathless. just the thought of him, the mention of his name... it sends a shock straight through me. and, im pretty sure he's the one i want forever. because, he's the guy that people NEVER saw settling down... ever... and i think he probably even had the mindset that he wouldnt settle down any time soon or even think about it. im the girl who didnt believe two people could be together forever. and yet, im saying i want and need Trey forever. i'd do anything for him. and anyway, the other morning in math class, he texted me, and i got my usual butterflies... and anyway, we were just texting and joking around, making fun of each other as always :) and i thought: "it would be amazing if i could spend the rest of my life with him. i could spend forever with him..." and then it just kinda hit me... and so anyway, we were texting yesterday and i asked if he could call me and he said he didnt know. and i said "puhleaseee :) i'll love you forever" and he said "lol you're gonna do that anyway baby" and i was like "good point. think you could put up with me that long?" and he was like "hell yeah i can and i intend to"

so... a lot has happened in the past week. im not doing anything about any of it tho. im taking time to clear my head and get things straight. and then im going to make my decisions. whichever ones feel right...